So a big two weeks for America… legalizing same sex marriage
... Woo Hoo, America! Congratulations on being the 21st country to
follow in suit. Though, I do find it rather ironic that a country who has a
recorded history of accumulating the most number of Olympic medals to date has
settled for the 21st spot on what has now become a “trending public
matter”. And yet, as with all America’s menial achievements we celebrate this
with what I can only imagine to be an imagery of flower garlands, cotton candy,
parade’s and all things fluff. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing menial
about the legalization of same-sex marriage. I’m just done with America’s
approach to it. America, beams with puffy chested Johnny Bravo like “pride”
about being the most liberal-est country in the world, and yet has always, maintained
a somewhat “oh it’s complicated” stance
on same-sex marriages. And now, when it finally is not “as complicated” as it
used to be, cutesy little lines like “love is love” are vomited over the realm
of social media, to tug at our heartstrings, yeah, from the same heart that radiated
in Care-Bear like empathy at the recent emergence of Caitlyn Jenner.
In the meantime, Denmark, the country to first legalize
same-sex marriage (I think), must seem rather amused by all the noise. I
imagine them saying, “Love has always been love, fuckers… what is intrinsically
so hard to understand about that?” Okay, so it’s not like the Danes to curse, that
is more, me.
In all honesty, I can’t be arsed about America’s recent move
to legalize same-sex marriage. I mean, okay, good for them and all, no really –
one step forward for them, and I’m sure they’ll also assume it’s a giant leap
for mankind. But I had a think, and then I took
some time to reflect about it, because thinking is different from reflecting, and I asked - what does this mean to us
Malaysians, and what impact will it have
on us?
And in all honesty, after a long hard think and a little bit
more reflecting, the truth is, I feel that it means NOTHING! We would be more
affected by our football team’s embarrassing performance against a struggling
nation like Palestine then we would the social rights of the LGBT community. We would be more invested in the triviality of click-bait
articles that promise videos of kittens ‘guaranteed
to make us cry’ then be inclined to click on a lengthy LGBT related
article.
The sad reality is that America’s “historic” and ‘groundbreaking’
decision to legalize same-sex marriage will have little effect on us. And
whilst I was humbled and felt all warm and fuzzy inside by the bright spectrum
of colours my Facebook news feed turned that day, the Malaysian cynic in me couldn’t
help but ask… if it all actually really meant anything?
Yes, 90% of my facebook friends support the
legalization of same-sex marriage, this
is no surprise as I consistently remove people from my friends list who appear
remotely racist, sexist or sometimes just downright stupid. But how does all
this positive support translate into change? It doesn’t. To rephrase and quote Malaysian
Gay Activist, Pang Khee Teik, “we cannot
assume that USA's victory is the natural
trajectory for LGBT struggles elsewhere”. This comment is taken out of its
original context, but I felt that it is on point.
In America, despite the landmark decision, there are still queer and trans folks who
struggle every single day for the right to define themselves, to access
gender-appropriate healthcare and to live without harassment by other people,
the police or the government. Many queer and trans people live – and lived – in
our prison and jails, in our homeless shelters, in run-down houses and
apartment buildings, and on the corners of every major city. (source: Chelsea E
Manning, http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/26/same-sex-marriage-equality-all-lgbt-people-our-movement-chelsea-manning?CMP=share_btn_fb
In Malaysia, this struggle is real, not just for the LGBT
community but for any minority group.
I know it seems like it’s all very jaded and pessimistic…. But
understand that it comes from realizing the harsh reality of how far we are as
a nation from having even basic human rights. We are nowhere near any form of
equality, be it racial, social or political – let alone gender. And don’t even
get me started on the whole freedom of expression bit or rather the lack of it.
It is unfortunate, but the cynic in me has given up on imagining an equal world
for the LGBT community here in Malaysia. It is sad but in this hazy town, the
smog is so thick, that we are so far away from seeing any rainbows.
Nevertheless, it’s not all doom and gloom, and here’s actually
the story that I want to share, it is the main reason for which I am writing
this. About a week ago, my younger brother, Ben, like many others, changed his
profile picture using Facebook’s ingenious (but sneaky), Celebrate Pride app. I
don’t think it was coincidental that he had chosen a picture of me in it. So, I
jokingly commented that I would always be the “rainbow” in the family. And more
than his gesture of solidarity in changing his profile picture, it was his
reply that got me (see picture below). Ghetto slang aside, his comment was simple, it was
genuine, it was sweet and it was honest. He was proud.
My family has always accepted me for who I am and whoever I’ve
wanted to be. And the thing about acceptance is that it inspires hope. And
according to Desmond Tutu and I think this guy kinda knows what his talking about, “Hope is being able to see light despite all
the darkness”.
So despite this dark hole that our nation has gravely dug
itself into, we can choose to be the little rays of light that shine through. And to be that light we need to start with acceptance – your family, your friend, your neighbor, your
colleague, your classmate – start removing those religious blindfolds and
cultural /custom bound shackles - and start accepting people for who they are.
We need to stop our incessant need to put people into boxes,
unless of course, they are assholes, then they should be put in a box and
shipped away. But seriously, we need to go beyond clicktivism and rainbow
filtered profile pictures and actually start instilling change by starting to
accept people, no matter the colour, race, religion or gender. Be less ignorant,
be informed, be more open to understanding someone and their background, and
try to learn or ask even. Otherwise there’s always Google.
My family has always been the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the
rainbow. Their acceptance has defined pretty much who I am today, and inspired me
to believe that I can be whoever I want to be. So I guess, I
felt it was important to impart my little epiphany of hope and acceptance - that while we are nowhere close to seeing
policies that will grant minorities basic equal rights, we could at least start
making this place a little more livable and tolerable for each other.
Unless, of course, you’re an asshole, nobody needs to tolerate an asshole.
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